OK, Thanks Already

OK, who forgot the beer?

Auburn won, but I'm still thankful.

Some of you may remember that I had to be talked down from a window ledge after the Crimson Tide’s loss to South Carolina earlier in the season. Admittedly, it was only a first-floor ledge, but still. At my age I could have slipped a disk or wound up with the dreaded broken hip.

Ah, losing to Auburn. The Rational 'Bama Fan (RBF) must learn how to cope, just as I have this season. The traumatic October beatdown from the Gamecocks set me on a path to serenity that has helped me through the last few days. After intense counseling, a beating from LSU, loss of all championship aspirations and copious amounts of pre-game alcohol, I was mentally prepared for the loss to Auburn. Not happy about it, mind you, but more or less ready for it.

'Bama fans in the 2nd half.

Now I’m feeling all philosophical. The long holiday weekend gave me time to reflect on the things I am truly thankful for. Here are a few:

Thankful I’m Not an Auburn Fan Right Now

Seems like only yesterday we ‘Bama fans had to sweat out a tough comeback win on the road, only to face another tough opponent in the SEC Championship, a Heisman vote and then the BCS Championship. That was rather tough on our nerves last year, even without the NCAA, SEC, FBI and ESPN shining flashlights up our butts. So I’m truly thankful I can just enjoy the holidays this year, and look forward to the Chizik movie.

West Coast Relatives

I am thankful for the Cypress Point golf shirt my California kinfolks brought me. I wore it to the course Sunday and everybody there briefly mistook me for some kind of fatcat, which is exactly why one wears golf shirts from fancy clubs in the first place.

Debutante Balls

Once your daughters get to college, they might have to come home for these debutante balls we have in Montgomery, either because they’re debutantes themselves, or their friends are debutantes, or both. In any event, the girls are actually home with their parents for these weekends. In some cases they have to come home from school twice -- once for the rehearsal and again for the ball itself. Ingenious.

Be thankful for debutante balls, because without them your daughter goes off to college and then, POOF, you never see her again until the wedding.

Capitol Book and News

We should be very thankful for this locally owned Cloverdale jewel. At Capitol Book and News you might pay a whole two dollars more for a bestseller this Christmas but at least you won’t have to risk your life getting out east.

I know, I know, they don’t offer all the extras you get at the mega-chain bookstores. For example, CB&N doesn’t have overpriced coffee, scones, bait-and-switch discount cards or slack-jawed stoners dispensing literary advice.

Scones. I feel smarter just typing the word.

And although I’ve never asked the question, I’m willing to bet that Cheryl, Tom or Eleanor will give you a free cup of coffee if you’ve got to have one while shopping for books in their store.

Me? I’m thankful for a staff that has a good idea what I like, what I don’t like and seldom misses on a recommendation. It is also comforting to know that my hard-earned dough doesn't get wired straight up north to a gang of Wall Street thieves.

My only gripe about the CB&N crew is that they turned me on to Michael Connelly novels over 20 years ago. I buy them the first day they come in, don't go to sleep until I'm done, then I go through cold turkey withdrawal sickness until the next one comes out. Thanks a lot for that.

And before anyone gets all indignant, please be aware that I was something of a slack-jawed stoner myself back in the day (sans the piercings).

Thankful I’m Not Cam Newton

Not that I wouldn’t like to have that stiff-armed trophy on my mantel, but can you imagine a post-Heisman press conference where the winner will have to answer “no comment” to just about every question?

That young man is about to have some bright lights on him, bless his heart. He has delivered in the clutch over and over and again this season but I fear the worst blitz he will ever face is yet to come as he faces the brute-force scrutiny of the national media.

Not a single one of the creeps who has allegedly tried to profit from #2 will be staring into that bank of cameras. I’m going to root for Cam.

It’s a Wonderful Life

“Here’s to George Bailey, the richest man in town.” My daughter once told me she would never marry a man who didn’t get at least one tear in his eye while watching this holiday classic. As good a litmus test as any, I’d say.

When George’s brother makes it home from the war, the pinch-faced bank examiner joins in the caroling, the D.A. rips up the arrest warrant, the townspeople empty their pockets for George, a wire transfer from Sam Wainwright (hee-haw!) arrives in time to stave off bankruptcy and an angel gets his wings… hell, I am about to tune up just sitting here typing.

Do yourself a favor and watch this movie with your family as you gather for Christmas (with your cell phones OFF).

You can thank me later.