The Great Mallett Fades Late, Bama Rolls

Bidgood Bob Recaps Bama Win over Hogs, Forecasts Win Over Gators

Favorite La-Z-Boy, AL – Bidgood Bob and the Traveling Circus stayed in Montgomery last weekend, having blown the September road budget to go see the Duke nail-biter. That, and the fact I was nursing a MOAH (Mother of All Hangovers) from being hideously over-served at the Harlequins Ball, was the reason I chose my favorite easy chair to watch Alabama’s comeback win over Arkansas. As always, a few observations follow:

It’s Good to Be King

The opening sequence of the CBS broadcast revealed one of the greatest aspects of college football – hopes and dreams. Footage of a half-mile of Arkansas students accompanied a report that the Piglets began lining up as early as Monday to get the best seats. They were yelling and screaming, calling the Hogs. “It’s ON, baby!

Surely the Razorbacks and the Great Mallett were about to unseat the #1 Crimson Tide on national TV! Surely the Great Mallett was about to vault to the top of the Heisman Watch! Surely Arkansas football was about to be back on the map! It was almost painful to see the Crimson Tide crush their little hopes and dreams.

Verne and Gary

Overall, one of their better broadcasts. Danielson didn't go out of his way to root for the Great Mallett, so he (Danielson) didn't have too much egg on his face when the Great Mallett's Heisman Trophy campaign began its inevitable descent to the trash heap of history. Lundquist didn't have many noteworthy gaffes. About the only thing the broadcast team whiffed on was the play of Trent Richardson on special teams. Not only is he maybe the second-best running back in the nation. Not only is he one of the best pass-protecting backs I've ever seen. He will also absolutely knock the crap out of you on kick coverage. Very unselfish. Look in the dictionary under "ballplayer" and there he is. TV missed this, but otherwise they did pretty well.

A Story Suggestion for 60 Minutes

CBS made a great show out of the “tent city” formed by Arkansas students so devoted to their beloved Hogs and so eager to see the Tide turned. One feature showed the Great Mallett and unnamed teammates delivering pizzas to the tent-dwellers, who so loved their Razorbacks that they were willing to forego their studies, their beds and their basic hygiene just to get the primo student seats. It was truly heartwarming, those wacky kids. Ah, college.

As any male person who actually attended an SEC institution can tell you, however, most of the tent-dwellers were probably fraternity pledge seat-savers there against their will, without pay and at the expense of their grade point averages. One thing is certain about a lot of schools: when there is anything worth lining up for, the new-boys will be at the front of the line. Is this college? Or is this slave labor? I think Mike Wallace and Morley Safer need to get off their butts and expose, expose, expose!

Students Painting their Bodies

Of course, there is plenty of this at Alabama (and any other school that regularly plays on TV), but the Arkansas students may have taken the concept to extremes. It wouldn’t surprise me if the free (non-slave) tent-dwellers each had a letter on his or her chest that formed a part of the long message spelled out in the Hog student section.

Here’s some free advice any advertising exec will back me on: First, keep it short (i.e. “Beat Bama” or “Go Hogs”). You are only going to get a second or two of airtime. That is not long enough for the nation to read all three verses of your fight song, or the prologue to the Canterbury Tales, or whatever that was.

Second, remember that body painting can be a double-edged sword. The camera shot that shows you as the wild and dedicated Razorback fan, reveling in the early success of the Great Mallett, can suddenly turn into the ubiquitous “Stunned Hog” shot when things begin to go badly for you.

I am reminded of the delicious “Stunned Bulldog” shots from Athens a couple of years ago, when the Georgia brain trust thought it would terrify the Crimson Tide if all their fans wore black shirts. That was a huge success. Georgia is apparently still trying to find its manhood after that one.

The Game

Coach Saban finally remembered that he is blessed with the best ground game in the business and it soon became evident that the one-dimensional Razorbacks couldn’t hang on to their 20-7 lead. Unable to stop Alabama’s run, and unable to gain yards on the ground itself, Arkansas had to rely on the Great Mallett.

It wound up being a heart-stopper. But in the end, the diabolical Saban and his henchman Kirby Smart figured out the Arkansas air game and the second half was like watching a boa constrictor against a rabbit – very methodical and with a predictable ending.

Florida Prediction

Unlike Arkansas, the Gators still have plenty of players who know how to win big games. The Florida offense is finding its rhythm and a team with this much talent probably won’t surrender a lead, at least not like Arkansas did. There is no doubt Florida is well-coached, although they should probably hire some tutors to clue the players in on some of the finer points of the Florida Criminal Code.

If you are a betting man, the point spread (Florida +9 as of deadline) sure looks like you’d be a fool not to take the Gators. Don’t fall for it. I predict Bama goes straight to its bread and butter power running game and sticks with it, keeping the hammer down for the full sixty minutes. Barring the turnovers and penalties that kept Arkansas in the game, this Saturday it won’t be close. Bama 35-17.

Bidgood Bob writes from Montgomery. He is an unapologetically arrogant Bama fan.