Eyewitness Account of Duke Ass-Whipping

Durham, NC – Bidgood Bob’s traveling circus is back home after a trip to Tobacco Road for last weekend’s Alabama-Duke game, a 62-13 Crimson Tide win that wasn’t nearly as close as the final score indicated. The methodical spanking of the Blue Devils has been well-documented elsewhere, so the following are just some observations from a road-tested Crimson Tide fan.

The Setting – What College Football is All About, Mostly

The geography of Tobacco Road is wonderful – the area is crowded with tradition-rich basketball schools that dabble in football. Although Duke’s campus is in Durham, we set up our headquarters in nearby Chapel Hill. Since the Tarheels were at home against Georgia Tech Saturday we decided to tailgate on UNC’s campus instead of Duke’s, on the premise that we can see throngs of drunken Alabama fans any time.

We got to see two stunningly beautiful campuses – UNC with its Georgian and Federalist architecture and Duke with its Gothic style. It would have been worth the trip simply to tour campuses, if you like that sort of thing, which I do. Once we got over to Duke we found they take the “pedestrian campus” concept very seriously. Tailgating at UNC, you just find a spot in somebody’s yard, lift the trunk and go bottoms up, Bama-style. At Duke, on the other hand, you park off campus and hike in. Alas, we had to leave the coolers behind.

Of course, Saturday’s parking policy may have been adopted specifically to keep Bama’s huddled masses in line. For all I know Duke may let Wake Forest fans park on campus. Anyway, on the long walk to the stadium I noted that your average funeral procession is livelier than this bunch. Some guy yelled out, “Roll Tide baby!” and you should have seen the Duke fans turn to stare at the ruffian as if his cell phone had gone off during the Apostle’s Creed.

Wallace Wade Stadium is a jewel, and I strongly suggest that the design team working on Cramton Bowl go have a look at it. It’s a cozy venue without the corporate trappings we are used to at Alabama and Auburn. There’s a press box that might or might not have contained a suite or two. The bathrooms were nice (well, the one I went to was). Concessions are done county-fair style, with dozens of local vendors showing off their wares.

They had a nice-sized video screen in the end zone; otherwise you’d think you had stepped back in time a few decades to a time before naming rights, ribbon boards, fan-cams and luxury boxes. Trees and gardens surround the place and you can see Cameron Indoor Stadium and the spires of beautiful Duke Chapel from any seat in the house. Overall, a great place to watch a college football game.

The Crowd

At kickoff better than half the crowd was wearing crimson. My assessment was that the Bama fans were well-behaved guests, and the Duke folks went out of their way to make us feel welcome, even down to the nice touch of having their band play “Yea Alabama” before kickoff. That was most appreciated. The Bama Nation returned the favor, providing a standing ovation when Duke’s head basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski was introduced, fresh off the 2010 NCAA Championship and FIBA World Championship. They got a name for the winners in the world, and one of those names is Coach K. I forget the other one.

Bama fans gave another standing “O” for the surviving members of the 1944 Duke team, who beat Alabama in the Sugar Bowl on January 1, 1945. A nice gentleman from Mobile was sitting next to me and he pointed out that all of Bama’s best players were busy saving the world from the Nazis and the Japanese, and that a full-strength Crimson Tide would have surely stomped Duke’s butt that day. I suggested that perhaps Duke was also missing key players from its team that year and the kindly old gentleman responded, “Nah, their rich daddies got them out of it.” A true Bama fan indeed. Somebody Google this for me, I am on deadline here.

The Game

Early on, the SEC officiating crew, apparently bending over backwards to prove their impartiality, decided to go to a video review of every other play. Combined with the TV timeouts following each Alabama touchdown, this resulted in a first quarter that took over an hour to play. A three-hour mercy killing was turning into a four-hour torture session. Maybe somebody from ABC got the word down to the field to let ‘em play.

There is no delicate way to put this: Duke is bad, bad, bad. Even worse, Duke is one of those terrible teams with players who like to do a lot of talking after the whistle and between plays. A number of Duke fans I spoke with told me (very politely) that they thought Alabama ran up the score, to which I responded (very politely) that the score could have easily gone over a hundred and that you should go get back in line for your basketball tickets.

Everyone saw Mark Ingram’s first score, your basic over-the-top TD. And everybody saw Ingram shove a Duke defender after the play and draw a well-deserved fifteen-yard penalty for it (it was a shove, not a head-butt – I had a better angle than ABC). Problem was, the crowd was small and wasn’t really into it, so everybody in the stadium heard the whistles when the linesmen signaled TD. So then a couple of Duke linebackers held Ingram above their heads and their gutless cur of a safety, #4, grabs Ingram by the ankle and starts to jerk.

On TV you can see Preston Dial convincing #4 to turn loose of Ingram’s leg, then ABC cuts away to a cheerleader shot or something. Well, Bama fans, you will be glad to know that the cowardly #4 (who cares what his name is?) was immediately surrounded by about 2,500 pounds of crimson bodyguards who were apparently explaining to #4 how the rest of the afternoon was going to go. The SEC officials got him out of there alive. If you are a Tide fan who recorded the game and want to have some fun, watch what Ingram does to #4 on his second TD run. It doesn’t get much better.

The Difference Between Us and Them

By the start of the third quarter most of the Duke fans were long gone but the Bama fans remained, like NASCAR fans waiting for the next big wreck. It was hot on Saturday, over 90 degrees at kickoff, and we decided to wander over to the shady side of the stadium for the second half. Taking our pick of seats on the fifty-yard line, we encountered a number of very cordial and curious Duke fans. Here is a sampling of the discourse:

Duke fan: “Sorry we couldn’t have had cooler weather for you guys. I guess down in Tuscaloosa you play all of your home games at night to beat the heat?”

Bidgood Bob: “Well, no, we play them whenever the TV networks tell us to.”

Duke fan: “How good is your punter?”

Bidgood Bob: “We don’t know.”

Duke fan: “We can’t wait to see your third-string tailback.”

Bidgood Bob: “You’re not going to like him, either.”

Duke Fan: “You should play us in basketball.”

Bidgood Bob: “Whatever.”

Seriously, it was a great trip to a beautiful place and we encountered nothing but very friendly, interesting people (except for Duke’s #4 - I hope he finds his jock strap some day). I would be in favor of Alabama’s continuing home-and-home series with the ACC for a number of reasons: their schools are in interesting places (except for FSU), their fans are very cordial (except for Miami) and they take their beatings well.

Bidgood Bob is a Montgomery businessman and unapologetic typical arrogant Alabama fan. He is not sure exactly how many national championships the Crimson Tide actually has, but eight have occurred during his lifetime. He doesn't know anything about football and writes more about the gameday experience than about the game itself. He seldom checks his facts and he is too lazy to Google things (like #4’s name).